Had a surprisingly long phone call last night with Jiajun. It was really long ago when we last talked on the phone for so long. But it feels so different now, or rather, he is so different now. I can never find back that feel I had in the past.
He still like Tzehui after all..don't know why I'll feel bitter after realizing this. No! Cannot. I'm not supposed to feel this way. Shit.

First night at Phuket we went to night markets. Passing by a bar hearing a song being played. I suddenly feel like I'm home. And it feels great. I didn't liked Phuket.
Need you now.

Was walking to work this morning and occasionally bumped into Jiajun. I didn't saw Tingwei, even tho after that JJ told me he was there, and I actually guessed he was there. I hit JJ when he walked passed me, in the middle of the road. He looked great; happy. He saw me and called my name. I really really wanted to walk over and talk to him. But then again I reminded myself what I've always reminded myself; don't look so desperate. I smiled, then turned and walked away.
After a minute or two, he called me up. It has been really long since I see his contact popping out as a caller id on my iPhone. I smiled because I actually expected that. Answered and he asked where I was going.
'Expo, to work.'
'Work?! What work?!'
'Aiya you don't want one la, f&b job'
'Orhhh cheh'
'Accompany me to expo la!'
'You siao! I going meet my friend ltr at 2pm'
'You didn't sleep?'
'No la! I came to meet tw. '
'TW? He was there?'
'Yeah you didn't see him?'
'Haha nope, I think someone was blocking.'
'Hmmm..so see you next time?'
'See you'
Our conversation went something like that.
It was short, too short. i complained. I really really wanted that conversation to continue, but..
Looking at how happy he is now, the more I tell myself to stop trying to get into his way for happiness. He got what he wanted and threw me aside. He is happy and I'm left all alone. I shouldn't be selfish. Since he's happy, I should just let him be. I shouldn't...spoil that. Staying away from them has been a success for me, because apparently no on bothers enough to stay me, or care.
Makes me wonder, all those fights, arguments, cold wars, words, efforts. What were those for? In the end, I am just left aside and forgotten.


Was in bus 66 home just now. Passed by an area where me, JJ and Boonkang sold ice cream there. Boonkang was good, we haven't even started knocking doors and he sold a box to an auntie who was on her way home. JJ was good in talking too. I remembered that night, I asked JJ, 'I thought you hate me, why still volunteer to let me join you all to sell ice cream?' And he replied, 'dislike and hate are two different things.' I was actually a bit glad to hear that back then.
Things were so different right now. I miss the past. I miss having fun. I miss having Boonkang in our group. I miss night studying with them. I miss the true us. I miss being able to speak what I really felt. I miss those times where new friends they have now weren't in our group. I miss talking on the phone with jiajun. I miss talking on the phone with tw, bk and jj. I miss having their company. I miss them. I miss us.