felt so sad when i got to know u are enlisting in jan.... sigh so early. but i dont think it makes the difference, enlisting later also doesnt give us more time tgt cos we wont even spend time tgt in the holidays hahahahah. then why am i still so sad? sigh..... i think i will miss u alot alot ):

Am i doing this right? sometimes i feel very weird. like its wrong to hang out with zw so much bc carmen is still very sad. but i can't do anything for her too cos she insists shes okay. plus theres this possibility that she's jealous of me and zw.... the more i shouldnt hang out with him too much right? what if i am actually making her feel worse but she refuses to say anything?



i added yj back to my insta today. because it has been long and i've not posted anything about him for weeks. so i guess its okay to add him back and be normal friends. or else it'll be awkward sometimes if friends talk about that certain post in my sub acct but he knows nothing. sigh. i just wish i can fast foward time. fast forward to the day that ive finally gotten over you.

had a short catch up with an old friend earlier just now! haha it was a guy i used to like. we were really really close friends back then but somehow we drifted after we graduated. but i dont know why sometimes when we catch up we are still like the same. haha. i guess some things just wont change! and its like we dont rlly have to hang out everyday but a simple catch up occastionally rlly means alot! i still feel rlly rlly happy when i get to talk to him, like how we are in the past. altho i dont like him anymore, i always get this warm fuzzy feeling after talking to him, not bc i like him but its more of i feel happy!! like he is still a friend i care about alot and i know its the same for him! and its great knowing that he is doing good with a nice gf and i feel happy for him!!! sometimes i wonder when its my turn to introduce my bf to my friends hahaha

actually i dont rlly want ppl to know im not over bc i'll feel ashamed... like it has been so long. and we werent exactly together. i feel like a loser. i feel like im the only one in this world holding on to something i know that wouldnt end up to anything. i disappoint myself. i probably didnt mean much to you - i wasnt ur first love, we werent in a legit relationship. i have no right to be so wrecked over it. it's illogical. thats why i try not to show that i am still sad sometimes. i feel like a loser, and i feel so ashamed of myself. 

"You keep telling me to be glad for what we had while we had it. That the brightest flame burns quickest.

Which means you saw us as a candle. And I saw us as the sun."

soemtimes i am rlly afraid i can never find someone i like as much anymore. cos it kinds of feel tht way up to now...

this morning i woke up and i felt damn shitty. the feeling of lost. i havent been feeling this from about a few months ago when u left. every morning was so shitty. i thought i wont have to feel it again. but i dont know why it came back this morning. i really dont know

it is weird how 忽冷忽熱 you are. not that im having high hopes about you, but whats with the sudden shitty treatment? i really dont get it. 

ok thats it. i think i gonna 退後 le. or else its gonna be disastous agn. 

it's tragic how sometimes i still feel really sad and miss you alot and you on the other hand forgotten everything and cant wait to see me give up on you. 

i dont know why i feel so sad. sigh....... i'll get over it i guess. 

did u mean really mean it or what? either way it hurts. sigh

somehow dont want this period of mugging to end, cos we all might not be able to hang out as much like now.... cos now we are all so close is cos we are studying tgt and sch is getting us tgt, and that when we graduate we will all go sepearate ways and hang out lesser.... and i know i'll be very sad when the day comes. sigh, and the person i will prolly miss the most would be you ):

i just want us to stay like that. perhaps its the best. sigh idk. i am not expecting anything alr anyway. i wouldnt dare to. 

sometimes when i accidentally see our old photos i would thought to myself "perhaps u will change, perhaps the old you still exists and might come back someday". but i know it'll nvr happen. but its fine, its fine. 

i really dont get why u must go around telling EVERY SINGLE PERSON U KNOW that i like u and that u dont return feelings? truth la but i dont get why u have to do this and make me look like a loser? maybe that makes u feel btr abt yourself I DONT KNOW. whatever okay. i dont know why i am so angry. AGH

i rlly dont get it but WHY MUST U TREAT ME LIKE SHIT?!?! I rlly dk what the FUCK u are thinking. what have i done to deserve this???? I DONT KNOW WHY AM I SO ANGRY BUT I RLLY HATE THIS FEELING.