life is getting better i guess. been having a lot of things that make me laugh and it makes me feel so much better. thankful for sha they all. agh but i still miss you

i saw zh in the bus ytd. he was talking to another girl. i dk why i felt so awkward and super nervous. i turned around and smiled. he smiled and waved at me. idk why i felt so weird and such intense feeling. but i was happy i felt so. that means im not totally over. and thats what i want, because i want to get over sf. pls let me see zh again. or plz let zh talk to me. so i can get over sf. 

i passed by alkaff today. and i thought of you. i rmb when we were still talking and really close, that time when we were moving chairs from outside to the PDR on level one, u kept helping and talking to me during turn over. JK (fget his name lol) kept teasing us saying we are tgt etc. then you kept denying but still kept disturbing and talking to me. i dk why when i passed by alkaff this was the first thing that screened thru my mind. i want that feeling back again from you. 

i played gmod with them last night. sf was so firece and crude to me. if nth ever happened between us i think i wont feel anything. but the fact is that there is. and it surprises me on how much the way u treat me changes so quickly. when we were still close, u always spoke to me really nicely, like i am really ur gf. but now you end up shouting at me. i guess i just have to stop dreaming and wake up! this is what he really feels and want to treat me. why do i still hoping that we can be the same again, even togerher?

today i went back to the place which brings back many memories. of u. i went all the way back to expo after work. i dont know why but i know i wanna feel again. i wanna find that feeling back. that feeling when i know i will always have u in my life. yes i found it, and it felt so good. but it hurts so much to know that this feeling will never come back again. i can only look back and admire it, but never to feel it from u again. it feels so good, yet hurts so much. 

aasdfghjkl i dont know how am i supposed to feel. surprises me how different u can treat me under different circumstances. 

its ur bday tmr. should i send a long text? but you wouldn't bother i guess... but i really wanna send. aiya dont la, or else more awkward.

have a strong feeling this about me. or it is about me! either way i felt abit better.  at least he still care. 

yeah it makes no difference. so just come back. please. 

im damn scared my addiction towards dota will worsen. i am only sleeping now because i have spent more than half of my day gaming! fuck this i rlly scared my whole june holidays will be spent like this! aghhh i rlly must control. told myself so many times but i always never do it! haiz its true that video games can really make u forget bout your pain! that pic which sf sent me. prrhaps i've been trying too hard to forget and i just get carried away. its like i just feel so vexed and sad so i think gaming is the solution. and it really is. like you will be totally into to! but fuck la i scared i retain! must control!!!