today during work, i suddenly had the courage to text sf. i dont know where that courage came from, but i miss him a lot a lot. especially when i walked passed corners and places in expo which reminds me of that working period when we still talked. i suddenly thought, perhaps i should try one last time. so.. i just sent. i asked him if he is free and if he wants to have dinner tgt. while waiting for his reply, i constantly checked his last seen, and suddenly that feeling came back. that feeling when we still talked and i was constantly anticipating for his reply while working. and it felt so good. i rmb he will never last seen me. like he open whatsapp he will just reply me straight. he only last seen me once because he was working and he just opened whatsapp to read. i really really miss that feeling. it was back until i realize he last seen me. wah really sad sia. its like the first time he purposely last seen me. i thought to myself maybe he is busy with work so he couldnt reply in time. but no...i asked sha if he replied to any group sha said yes. ah means he just ignored me la. idk why after that i just felt so damn dead. while working i will just suddenly stone and think about nothing. i was so lost and hopeless. whats next? am i gonna live my life forever like a loser. normal human being will just move on and find a better one, why am i stuck here? why do i choose to be stuck here? i feel so dead now, like i just died damn tragically. worst than the moment i see zh with another girl on insta.

how.

acutally im v sad that this exam period is gna end. it means i wont have reasons to start up conversations with you. but also good la, i must prevent myself from falling because i know its gonna be a one sided shit again

5 Reasons Why You Can’t Get Over Your Almost-Relationship

3. You’re only ever left with your side of the story.

What you did, what you didn’t do, what you could have done, what was wrong with you, what was right with you — you never get these answers, so you wind up speculating. And we are our own worst critics, so we wind up thinking that everything was our fault. That is and isn’t the case — you’re only ever responsible for your actions, no one else’s. Rationalizing what you did against what someone else did, then, is an effort in futility. It’s not your responsibility to understand them — after all, they’re not in your life anymore. Sometimes you just need to know that you tried, and that was all you could have been expected to do.

4. Your friends can never keep track of what is going on.

They will ask where that one person you were talking to went, have you seen them recently, what is up with you two, are you official yet — the whole nine. And because they’re so used to things being on-again-off-again, unsaid, and implied, chances are they’ll think this is just another ebb and flow in the roller coaster that is your romance. But you’ll have to relive the pain that things fell through every time, and though this never gets any less difficult to admit to them, you will become stronger and soon enough, they will forget that the almost-person ever existed. (And the best of friends will tell you that if they knew what was good for them, they shoulda locked it down. Best friends believe you deserve all-in commitment. Because you do.)


http://thoughtcatalog.com/ella-ceron/2014/07/5-reasons-why-you-cant-get-over-your-almost-relationship/

today, i walked thru many malls to find the place u work at, just to take a glance and walk pass. but i couldnt find the place. i find myself dumb./

bout 10 days ago