was talking to derrick about last year.. and suddenly i felt regretful. i knew charmaine and co., and joined them because they are close to zh. and becos of this i neglected my old friends (jiajun). i changed into a completely different person (is this is just me?). im regretful for neglecting him.  im regretful for neglecting all my old friends for those new friends. when all those shits happened, first ones to leave was the new ones. jiajun didnt leave straight after. i know. he gave up on me because im hopeless alr. im sorry jiajun. im sorry. i disppointed you over and over again.

Now both of us have our own lives now, I'll continue with mine and he will continue with his. Sometimes we can just be sitting near each other in the canteen acting like we were nvr part of each others' lives. it's saddening. but what to do? this is life.

hais. koksiong didnt accept my follow request at twitter. why do i still feel sad? i chose not to like him. i dont want him to end up like zh. yes, i like zh and him. but i decided not to let myself sink deeper. i miss zhenhao still, but he dont care bout, at alll. sometimes i feel like the most worthless person in the world. sigh? jieming's bday party tml, i'll be seeing him. half excited half afraid? idk.. but i guess i dont really care le, slowly i wont. we are like not contacting each other! And now I know why I'm so sad when he unfollowed me, because it clearly reminds me of how Jiajun treated me! im always having thoughts which i dont tell anyone. firstly, i think those are temporary thoughts, i dont want these thoughts to define who i am. secondly, (which is most importantly), who actually bothers?

jiajun actually scolded me dog with boonkang they all! fuck. i hate the you now. in the past, will you even talk to me in this manner? no! when they were talking durains are nice and i chup in and said, 'eee durian nice meh? i hate it the most!' and guess whats his fcking reply? 'no one asked fr your opinion'. i was like urgh fine!!! then super angry and disappointed. he really changed. i hate it. i hate it.

no matter what, i just cant find a good friend? or its not time yet? its okay. i shall be alone..actually i shld get used to this loniness.. i dont mind being alone, i just dont want to let people think im very lonely....lol. boonkang and shaokang keep on calling me dog, dog, dog. shaokang was okay but i think boonkang simply crossed over the line. eh pls? know your limits. i dont get angry doesnt mean i dont feel anything. if you were me how would you feel? twitter also scold. think i dk? i keep quiet only! actually i cant be bothered by him. really dont care. i just dont like the feeling of being...argh!

i told kenneth im still angry with zh so i walked away! he said 'he also dont care' yes kenneth, you're right. im just fooling myself. funny right? right kenneth? hahaha..

i never meant anything to anyone..