I'm all on my own now. I realized I'm not as impt as how Nichole is to me. Hahahaha. I shall not make her my priority then.. I thought I have friends, I mean friends that stick around tgt. But no! I don't mean smth to her! It's always liddat. I'm always the second choice I guess. Or third? Or forth? Hahaha!!! What a joke. I am a failure man. My results sucks. I mean really, I deteriorated a lot a lot. Am I expecting too much? I don't think so. This is not the results I should be getting! I'm freaking disappointing in myself! Is it because of all these shit happening to me causing my results to be like this? Or I should just blame myself!? Seriously! And my family! What's a family? No one even cares about me! Maybe my mother do, but not as much as the past! This house is just a place for me to sleep, bathe and sometimes eat! It's just an hotel! They don't even ask about how's my exam! The biggest joke was, they don't even know I have exams! Hahaha!!

I really don't wanna be alone. I realized I've became so reliant to my friends. I don't have someone i can trust. I mean, no one cares to listen. Leonard? I can't be sure! He says he cares but why I can't see it! It seems that I have many friends around but I don't have a real one! I thought me and Nichole can be great friends! But when I realized I don't mean as much as she to me I'm disappointed! Anyway, I won't be too upset cos she is not too impt, (yet). I can only laugh at myself. I will appreciate if they stop teasing me and shaokang. I really don't like him, yes, I still like zh.

I miss talking on the phone with Jiajun, really. We are like acquaintance! It's so sad.

whenever someone wants to tell me something, they will say 'eh rmb this thing cannot put on your private blog hor! they have their ways of finding out your blog' and yes, i felt so restricted when i heard this. is this even a PRIVATE blog now? i really hate it. a place where i rant my troubles in now became an open blog for curious people to read. hello, where's my privacy? and yup, you, chiam jiajun, was the one who caused this. i regretted trusting you. i dont know why did you treated me that way back then. did you changed or this is just the real you? perhaps i should only blame myself! i dont think you even feel sorry, at all.
actually im not really angry (for now). throughout this time, i've conditioned myself to not give a fuck.

Everyone is starting to treat me especially mean. People like LEONARD, Boonkang.. Hais why liddat. Boonkang treats me the worst.. Idk why. Leonard idk whats with him seriously. Keep giving me attitude. It's okay I shall not think too much. Is Boonkang still angry at me for my phone's matter? Haissss. Sorry. Jiajun and Boonkang keep okokokokok me.. The feeling of them letting me 'win' sarcastically is really terrible. Why sia. Am I the only one suffering these shit from them? Arghhhh :(

I'm still angry(sad) at zhenhao. This feeling is terrible. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I really hope karma hits you soon. Ten times harder. Sigh.

I'm sad. Really very very sad. I just found out Zh actually blocked me at twitter! Wah srsly is this what you want to treat me?! My mood went down immediately. Sorry if I did anything wrong. I'm sorry. I don't know what I did wrong to deserve such treatment from you. I'm really disappointed! No wonder weeks before I automatically unfollowed you... I thought I accidentally pressed it so didn't care! And now I realized it's because you blocked me! What a fool have I been! Why am I so stupid! I'm a failure. Hais. I thought we are friends and now look what are you doing to me?! Fk man!

I played a prank on koksiong, lying to him that I bought a piano worth $5000+ for him. He really took it seriously and ever stressed over it. When he came to know that it's not real, he seemed okay. Like... Still normal, smiling and talking. But then when he got home. He suddenly tweeted know your limits when you joke. He was angry. He also unfollowed me on twitter.
I was sad, very sad. Why? This clearly reminds me of how Jiajun treated me.
I'm not in fault. If koksiong didn't provoke me by always giving me that attitude (he is always treating me very badly, giving me guailan replies...), I woudnt have pranked him. And it's not worth to get angry over this kind of ppl!! Argh argh.
In bus, I thought about it.. Am I putting pride before friendship? And is it worth it to lose a friend because of pride? All along, I thought I put friendship before pride! But now I'm doubt cos I'm even asking this question to myself! I'm super disappointed in myself.

Sometimes, I really think that I failed to be a friend, I failed very, very badly.

Jiajun followed me on twitter. I am still thinking to follow back or not. Part of me(mostly) wants to. But pride stops me from doing that, saying, 'he chose to unfollow, and you left. now he thinks he can want you back like a toy?'

After much thinking, my Decision is finalized. I've finally made up my decision - not to join in Wendy's clique. Firstly, I don't feel real happiness in there. I mean really. I myself don't know why. Secondly, me and her have very different thinkings. She thinks its not good to join this clique that clique. Like not stable. On the other hand, I think it's good to mix around and have fun. So if Im in her clique, I should try to stay in a stable clique but not mixing around.
I'm sad that derrick joined that clique. This means I lost a partner. What hurts more was, he treated Nichole better than how he used to treat me.
So I should just be by myself, mix around. I think most of the time I will be w Tingwei and co. I hope he won't find me irritating..
Cliques... Why am i even thinking about this? It's so childish. So sec2-ish. I thought we are supposed to be making friends around. My thinking is really different. After all, all I wanted was a good friend. A friend who I will tell all my troubles and secrets to. Till now, I've yet to find one.. I've always been searching and searching. Perhaps the right one isn't here yet.

I like spending time with yonghao, koksiong, Jieming sammie they all. Although in NT, they are really good people. Only being with them will make me happy and relaxed, carefree. They never fail to make me smile. Thank you. :)

I really feel very very sad to see the brothers so separated... Hais. I hope I can help by doing something for them, really. But I am super afraid that I will do more harm than good. Jiajun told me how Tingwei neglected them and I was like 'oh ya hor...'. Perhaps I was really too blind to not see these. I wanted to help TW by talking to JJ and bk. And help JJ and bk by talking to TW. But when talking to JJ he alr said so many things that I can't deny or say anything... And it's true. I can see it. Cs he really neglected them. Leonard is hopeless alr. There's no use talking to him about this matter. But there's still hope for TW! I really hope that I can try to make things better for them, i don't wish to see them separated....hais! Help help.

Celebrated TW bday tday, bk didn't come.. JJ didn't come too, had to visit grandma. Zh was there. Yaqi like keep on talking to him. Haii :/ Sian lor. While waiting bus with him and Alex. Alex's bus came first. I saw zh going to a seat to sit. Then I shouldn't stay there right? Hais siannnn. I'm still quite happy that he actually answered my questions! Teehee. I think it's because he thought I don't like him alr. Lol. K can... I still miss zh. I still like him. It has been so long since we last go out tgt. Olvls are coming and I really wanna help him. He don't even care about me... Okayyy. Take care~ :(