every couple i see is a constant reminder of my deep fear of not having a bf forever and being looked down by people for it... honestly up till now all the "r/s" failures i've experienced still make me feel shitty sometimes - was i not good enough? did i do all the wrong things? i just dont have what it takes to have someone to call mine? i really really hate this feeling, the issue is just not having a bf, but how would people see me? i fking hate it when my mum's fren ask her why i dont have a bf and my mum will say all the negative stuff she feels about me, like i am NOT worth anyone. i am so fucking disappointed la. and it just raises my fear up to a much higher level sigh.

i dont know why it feels so weird... like how sf is treating me so nice now and all. got this feel that we are like back to the past? it just feels so weird, but not in a way that i dislike it, but it just feels like...idk hahaha. but i'm quite clear i dont like him anymore, and we dont text and all la so i'm quite happy we are good friends and not awkward anymore

idk why i feel like i wont enjoy this year's chalet like in the past, mostly cos i dont rlly hang out with them that often anymore so it would be abit sian if they go on with their topics without me understanding anything haha. somehow i regretted agreeing to go too quickly cos it was during exam period when i was like "wah v long nv hang out alr, this chalet would be a good gathering". and if i back out now everyone have to pay more for the chalet and i will feel bad sigh. hmmm but nvm bah, since i have no work for this whole week, it's still better than rotting at home hahahaha! and chalet is like a yearly thing that we always have, so it will be weird to miss it also hahah. just hope this time it'll be fun T~T

idk why i feel so sad over the fact that u are enlisting soon... like i wont be able to see u that often alr and also know that we will live our lives differently alr.. i shouldn't be feeling this way man, like i am not even ur gf right hahaha what rights do i have to say this 

sigh sometimes i thought i have gotten over u completely, but sometimes i just feel abit sad, esp today when i know that yall are still talking hahaha. i guess this feeling will fade soon ba, cos i dont feel as sad as i did in the past when i saw the same thing. 

rlly rlly hate it when ppl just read grp chats and dont reply esp when planning stuff... it gives me this feeling like u are not keen on going out and just refuse to say anything. i dont know la, it gets really hard making plans when people like this exist because theres a lack of response, and i always take it damn badly.

Maybe it's not you that i miss anymore, but the idea of having a company wherever i go.

i don't know myself sometimes, it's like there are days where i want us to be how we used to be because i feel that u are the one, but some days i just cant wait to meet new people and find someone alot better than you.

apt

...sigh

I dont know whats wrong with me... i hate feeling so sensitive ):

sometimes i feel that im a veryvery annoying friend sigh

i knew u wont be so nice to me one la. what am i even expecting hahaha...

其實我很想你，你知道嗎。