sy asked me if i wna go uss with him omg... the first time he asked i just laughed and scolded him cos he was disturbing me with the pinoy guy who said would treat me to uss. thn sy asked again, "so u wanna go uss with me? this time is real" , idk why i just felt quite weird like cos he dont go out with girls one and im like the only girl?? im afraid he like me actly, and im pretty sure i dont feel the same... sigh i just feel so confused and weird idk why? like it feels like if one day i gonna end up alone its gonna be my own fault cos i dont seem to have feelings for any guy who is interested in me, which is currently happening now... don has been texting me alot too recently, but i realize im just replying and talking to him as a friend and nothing more, and i hope he doesnt like me in that way.

sigh i just feel even more afraid now. what if i can never ever find someone i like that much again?

still miss u sometimes. but its okay

i really wanna continue the convo. but somehow i lost the energy to do so, cos it just feels like the effort is one sided. 

i guess its really time to put down all these, and live the life i am supposed to live. but i hate my job. not because of the job scope but the people there. sigh 

starting to like work a little more cos im learning more new things and becoming clearer of how everything works! but what i rlly rlly dislike are my workmates sigh ): i mean its fine that everyone is busy working and thry seem hostile but what i fucking hate is when we are sent to eat lunch in groups and they just talk amongst themselves! im just like left alone there wondering what to omg.... whats worst is that some just talk in their own language! i cant even listen or try to blend in a little. perhaps cos im new, so people dont know me and its natural for them to stick to people thry are familiar with. i just hope this isnt whats gonna happen in the long term la, or else i will continue feeling like shit every time we hve lunch agh. sigh is this the adult life that i am going to have in a few years time? right now im just gettigg more and more afraid of the arrival ):

somehow i wish u were here... havent been hearing from u ever since u enlisted, i wonder hows things going inside sigh, but not like i have the rights to ask, cos it'll be weird if i do so :/ just hope u are doing well in there!

sigh idk why i miss u so much ): it feels like u have migrated to another country and not coming baxk anymore HAHAHA cos like cant get to know abt ur army life and all, and i also think u will rather spend ur free time with ppl who matter more to u rather than talking to me and telling me abt ur life right hahaha what am i even thinking man

having a full time job keeps me occupied but at the same time empty... it feels so quiet, now that all of them have enlisted. i am just working everyday and feeling tired. is this the adult life i once anticipated? 

i was filing up some invoices and saw one invoice which will be sent to the restaurant that he used to intern at. idk why i just suddenly felt.. weird? and also abit sad cos that period when he was working as intern we stopped talking, and it somehow reminded me of that. and also suddenly i just like... miss his presence? idk isit just me missing the feeling of someone taking care of me, and someone who genuinely wants the best for me - the idea of having someone to rely on, to talk to and to be taken care of, because i am sure i dont have feelings for him anymore. sigh thinking back, he really took care of me a lot, which was somehow why i didnt believe him when he said he never once liked me. that period when we were damn close, i was actly quite shocked and overwhlemed, cos no one rlly treated that nice to me before hahaha. and i rlly miss the feeling of knowing that he will be there for me, and the feeling whenever i want to watch a movie, i know most prolly i will be able to watch it with someone. i rlly rlly rlly want to find that feeling back, i rlly wna feel it again. but it's not him that i miss anymore. 

idk why i feel so sad over the fact that u are enlisting... sigh it just feels like we are going to be apart for a v long time, cos u will be jnside and i'll be busy with my job alr. and its not like we text everyday and i dont have a reason to constantly check on ur life. so it just feels like we are going to live really different and seperate lives and they might not even intersect agn sigh. its okay. i will get over this. i will get over u. its just a matter of time. 

all the best in army yj, i'll miss you.

whats wrong with me? sigh...