what am i supposed to do......

dreamt of us becoming official. i was so so damn happy LOL but end up to be a dream sigh woke up almost cried cuz it reminded me of how shit our situation is now

im so so afraid. whats with the sudden cold treatment..? like wtf aghhhh im so afraid u just got tired of me alr and wna just get rid of me asap... ): sigh what am i supposed to do now what if all these are really going to end FUCK LA I DAMN SCARED T_T

fedrick: "just read the msg and dont reply and sees if he cares to reply to ur read msg. if he does means he still cares abt u but if u doesnt means he might alr lose interest."

me: "but i am scared. like what if he really doesnt reply or care anymore?"

fedrick: "see, you are afraid of losing him. you are digging a hole deeper and deeper and it'll be hard to get out. you have to be brave and face your fears. be brave to do what he does to u and thats when u realize if he really likes u"

but i know i wont be able to do that. because i am afraid he rlly wont care...

have a rlly rlly bad feeling about tmr... espcially when sentosa never had good memories and the sudden change in u like so cold suddenly sigh im damn damn scared ):

exactly how i feel right now sigh

i wish i wasnt so sensitive...but i am just so scared idk why ): is it okay to feel this way or am i srsly too sensitive?

what if all these is going to end....i dont know man i know i am thinking too much but i rllyrlly dont want this happen why am i always feeling like my efforts are one sided?

sometimes i wish i knew what were the right things to do.....

srsly when will i ever stop fucking things up? i think i am being too naive and childish.....

sigh so sorry.....

i hope this feeling lasts forever

and if u are not ready, i can wait till you are cuz i rather take it slowly than rushing in

but can u at least let me know.. i am just so afraid u will lose interest in me someday and i will be left alone again ):

i sent i miss u in korean with a sad face.. why didnt u even go find out what it means? just 'simi' and forget abt it when i say its ok? i am rlly rlly afraid this is becoming one sided....pls dont ):

seeing you feeling so sad makes me feel x10000 times even more shit especially when i know i cant do anything to make u feel better. sigh pls stop ignoring me i am genuiely concerned and i need to know u are rlly alright ):