chruch yesterday. couldnt avoid you. arghhh ><
Derrick asked me if i wanna go out with them, including you.

i rejected

i really wish to go but
you wont want me to be there, right>?

sorry.

giving church a miss? or go? really dw appear infront of you :(

i really miss you a lot. do you know how much it hurts when i know you dont care? i really dont wanna run away from you. but.. i had to. i feel pathetic. sighhh. who cares anyway :(

its hard to avoid you.. i mean for me :( cos.. i really wanna see you but it hurts to run away from you :'( but i have to do this.. i know i must. i want you to be happy. i am sorry..

hais. idk why you are angry with me. i really dont know what i did wrong. issit because i told what happened between us to farkhanda? idk okay. i think you're unhappy with me. something is wrong. i really wanna know. idk what should i do now. i thought for a while. from now on, i'll avoid you. as in... i'll never appear in front of you again. i know i will miss you, but ive got to do this. i dont wan you to be unhappy with me around. i want you to smile. remember bintan? smile smile smile!!! :)

i feel stupid sms-ing you 'smile :)'.

that would be the last message you'll be receiving from me.

i hope.

hahaah cute. i told you tmr going bowling right? you smiled and said ya i going. when you were gonna alight from train, i said see you tmr! did you act like you didn;t hear it or you really didnt hear it ? :(

as per normal, you ignored my text, again. :( do you know how much courage i have to pick up to talk/text you? why must you do this? :( shitzzz so ps D:

today's rad-con was fun! i am happy to see you :) see you tmr for bowling! really hope that we will talk..

13 july.
Sorry for spamming your phone with charmaine & co.

17 july
Sorry for looking at your messages.

All-the-time
Sorry for liking you.

i miss talking with you. i really do. i miss the courage i used to have in the past. now everything seems so.. so hard to reach now.. nothing really helps.. whereever you are, come back soon. i am always here.

you never know what im thinking. you're still refusing to talk to me? perhaps, you will dislike me although you say you dont alrdy. maybe you told people you dont dislike me alrdy is because you dont wanna hurt me? i rather hear the truth. i can feel that. you still dislike me. i can feel. i hope this feeling is fake. how i wish :(

i feel like crying whenever i thought of next year would the last year you're studying in BBSS.

i wont get to see you after that.

i wont get to try talking to you.

i wont get to be jealous.

i wont be able to know how you are.

i wont be able to talk to when i had the courage.

i wont be able to see you walk pass me.

i wont be able to follow/stalk you in school.

i wont be able to smile at you.


i really feel like crying now.

went for co concert. when there was a 15min break, we went out and never go back xP hahaha! was so happy cos you were there! but you seem unhappy with me there... am i thinking too much? i dont know.. okay so we walked ard the mall ya.. after the concert went back to find the people. tw they all left. and we went plaza singapura mac for dinner. joked and chatted so much with the girls! and you, royce and mathew. they were playing a game, like they ask a question will answer. they asked me.

"Zhenhao or Alex?"

i was stunned. i dont know how should answer.

"I dont know. Can dont choose anyone?"

"Aiyah we know answer liao la!"

I saw the expression on your face. heck care + unhappy? Issit?

i dont know.

Bused 174 home. i sat infront of alex. alex sat beside you. talked. chatted. your face remain unhappy whenever i am there.

They reached westmall. i won't be alighting, my house was 2 stops after.

You alighted.

You just alighted.

Without waving and smile to me like you did 2 weeks before.

Till then, i am not happy anymore.

Am i really expecting too much from you? am i?

Perhaps i should just don't expect anything.

You won't care anyway.

so fun today! jiajun and wanyu's bday, went imm. i thought we would talk y'know???? or at least just smile~ but dont have T_T at the playground. water there. i think you accidentally knocked me or what, and you said sorry. haha. so cute. xP i miss your voice.