We are stronger than this. We are stronger than this okay. Rtjx have faith!!!

I really hope we can be stable thru although there will definitely be arguements and all. I dk why i am really scared.... Of losing you again. 

sometimes when he liked a video i shared, or a photo i posted, i can't help but still feel really bad. i haven't been seeing him after the day he stopped talking to me, in fact, not at all. i went back to work today and i didn't see him as well. i have no idea how he is now, but i also know i shouldn't be thinking about this. but i just feel bad. after all, he invested a lot of effort, time and money in me, and that's the main reason why i feel so bad. and he will even starve because of me.... i hope he isn't doing this anymore and at least recover a little.

although everything seems like going well and smooth sailing, and you giving me so much assurance, i can't help but still feel a bit apprehensive. after all, it hit me quite hard back then. even now, sometimes when i think back or suddenly recall stuff from the past, i still feel sad. i don't dare to put 100% in, because i am scared. i really am. what if history repeats? i don't think i can take it as gracefully as i want myself to be. occasional cold replies will still affect me, but i guess u are probably busy or tired. but i am also afraid you will start to lose interest in me, just like how u did in the past. am i being too sensitive? i really hope so.

i don't know what's with the sudden change in you? or am i too sensitive? or are u just feeling down?

i don't get it man, how can there be such a huge change of attitude overnight. maybe i still don't understand u after all, after everything we have went through.


that night, i not only told myself to never cry over u again. i also told myself to never be affected by u again. seems like i am not keeping my promises.

i feel so stupid. why am i still thinking about u?

i think i am messing things up. i am also messing myself up. i honestly dont know where is this going to - am i supposed to draw back, or am i supposed to act like i am okay with everything thats happening? i am honestly in a mess. i dont even know what is the next step to take. i am pretty sure this isnt gonna end up in a positive light, yet i still continue to drown myself in. what am i doing with my life?