Why?

You know what? I really miss you so damn much.. :( I know we are really impossible already, but why, why do i keep on having hopes? Words can't describe how i feel. Everyday, looking at my phone, waiting and hoping tht you'll text me. but no, not even once. sighs, i know it will never happen. Royce said, you don't mind being back friends. i dont mind too but, it will be awkrd between us, it surely will. I'm tht type of person who will always end up sabotaging our friendship if we are really friends.. if we could really be friends, we won't end up like this now.. i was too direct in speaking and my action. It was my fault for things to be like this, you didn't do anything wrong. the person who is fault was me. :(
Jiajun told me tht, yaqi didn't like you before. i was like WTF!!? I REALLY DAMN ANGRY KAY! LAST YEAR, IN TWITTER, BOYF HERE AND THERE. LIKE AS IF SHE LOVE YOU SO DAMN MUCH! AND YOU EVEN FELL IN LOVE WITH HER! SHE'S LIKE TOYING YOU FEELINGS YOU KNOW?! I WAS SO DAMN BLOODY JEALOUS OF HER THT TIME. MANY PEOPLE THOUGHT BOTH OF YOU WERE AN ITEM BUT NO. YET SHE KEEP BOYF,BOYF,BOYF. i really dont understand her, seriously.. why is she liddat.. is she flirt or what, i really don't know.. I REALLY DONT KNOW! WHY? WHY? WHY?!!!! the reason why i can be so angry cos of this is tht i NEVER THOUGHT tht she didnt really LOVE YOU! what if both of you were really tgt tht time?! THN IT WILLL BE LIKE, YOU LIKE HER, BUT SHE DIDNT REALLY LOVE YOU! i'm still sad over the fact tht you liked her before. i really can't let go of this fact. i cant.
she claimed me snatching tw they all away. i didnt have tht intention. i swear i didn't. and please, when it tw they all even hers? she say me till liddat, i really dk what to say. she say i fake. sighs. forget it kay. everything is my fault. yes. continue to scold me. please i beg you.

when you will ever talk to me agn? i was really damn damn happy tht you smiled and waved to me at the airport before departure.. :) and now thinking back of the msg you sent me, i can smile. really smile. and really be happy. tht was the happiest day of this year. this year.. hais.