i'm glad me and derrick are okay now. he starts talking to me today, as in teasing. like how we used to be in the past. i miss having him as my best friend. but I'm contented with what we are now. I shouldn't expect much.

feel so insignificant in school. since I expected this, why am I so affected? the feeling of having no one to wait for me when leaving.. the feeling when no one bothers to ask where you are when you're not with them suddenly.. the feeling of having nothing, or rather no one to talk to so you just sit there quietly pretending to listen.. the feeling you won't want to feel.
Xueqi and me aren't that close anymore, and I've always wondered why. I guess it was because we drifted during the holidays and she had better friends (who are more popular) so she don't need me anymore. I don't want to sound mean, but that's what I feel. I'm left alone here. sometimes she'll talk to me and I always have nothing much to say but short replies. she'd just nod her head after hearing. I think we are actually okay but I just feel that we're very different now. there's a big gap. really big gap.

Jiajun changed so much in terms of his attitude towards me. I'm like, rubbish to him? when I said I'm joining horse riding, he immediately said, 'ehh Rachel go ah? eh we don't go!' I knew he was joking (or he really meant it?) but it hurts. it really do. and he just forgotten my existence, everytime we walk pass each other or just sitting beside during recess, he'll never talk to me. unless I initiate. am I trying too hard? I don't wanna be that kind of person...
feel so alone. feel so lonely. feel so useless, tired, and hopeless I have nothing. I have no one... I'm empty.