feel that everyone secretly hate me. hais. why like that. the last time i felt this way was probably last year, when jiajun hated me so much that he made the others hated me as well. and perhaps 2 years back, when shuanghui they all turned their back on me and i had no one. jiajun was eventually there, of coz. 

dont know why i'm feeling this way. maybe because it's true. 

hate how leonard treats me man. i thought he'd change his attitude towards me after the mt hot housing. but he didnt and tday he just did want he always do; to scold me coz he think i'm dumb. 

yea i might not be as clever as you are but fuck you for being so condescending towards me. we've been friends for years and who were there for you when jieyu treated you badly? and this is what i fucking got back from you. where's the basic respect you should have for people? you said i dont deserve your respect, yea and you think you deserve people's respect. hate it man. say him how many times alr still wont learn. yeah he'll never learn

tw seems happier now, like noisier and more 'normal'. it's good but i hope it isnt smth he act out to blend in or act like he's normal

sigh i miss zh. whats the point anyway....