i dont know why this morning i suddenly felt so sad and almost cried in the bus. i was okay yesterday... i think maybe because this morning i woke up realize everything is different now, and that things might never be the same again. and that makes me sad. i dont know why the emotions and feels came so late, but i am sure i will be sad for quite long period of time. maybe not sad, but more of i cant bear to give up this whole thing and that we have to let go because of circumstances. i actly thought of what we can do after As, like go yolo and play and go out tgt and have fun... wax museum, trick eye, uss, cycling, or even just walking around shopping mall aimlessly with you.... sigh i guess i just have to accept the fact that we dont always get what we want..

i told huisen and liying (winnie too cuz i told her i am very very sad too..) about our situation, they were angst at me not being firm enough at convincing yj my opinions and viewpoints. they want me to go talk to him about it again and convince him what i think, and not just go with the flow. honestly if i could i would have done that, okay actually i want to do that, but i know things are not going to change and i will end up suffocating and pressurize him even more. so i guess... i should just leave things like that, at least until As are over.

pls dont let go of me sighhhh ):




winnie, "you have to fight for your own happiness" sigh i have always believed in this rlly want to but this seems like a pointless fight judging from how firm he made his decision and how he thought everything out...

they also told me to dont stop talking to him, or else feelings might fade HAHA. like still friends means still can talk mahh right?! i rlly dk if i should continue keep talking to him cuz i am not sure how he feels about this. what if he doesnt want anymore distractions? he didn't reply my last msg tho.... maybe thats the answer.. i guess i'll just stop initiating and talking to him for now ):