i think i am messing things up. i am also messing myself up. i honestly dont know where is this going to - am i supposed to draw back, or am i supposed to act like i am okay with everything thats happening? i am honestly in a mess. i dont even know what is the next step to take. i am pretty sure this isnt gonna end up in a positive light, yet i still continue to drown myself in. what am i doing with my life?