Had a great talk with Tingwei just now. He really made sense. He asked me to think, what's the difference between let go and hold on? Yes you will feel happier when you hold on, knowing that maybe he will like you back. He told me a lot of factors that might affect my changed attitude. Can't really recall. But one of them was studies, my studies started to drop when I started to hang out with Charmaine and co. Perhaps this was one of the points. I asked him. "issit because Jiajun thinks, I have new friends and forget old friends?" he replied shouldn't be. If jiajun's like this, he would be the same as Yaqi, cos she was jealous. He said, I shouldn't keep posting sad things on twitter. He might feel irritated when he saw them. True though. Perhaps I was actually seeking attention? I'm not sure. It's alright. Sometimes you think you're not seeking attention just doing for fun, actually you are. Yeah this is how contradicting humans are. I told Shuanghui and Derrick keep asking me to give up. Tingwei say then give up, but continue liking him. Give up as in stop 'wooing' him. And don't keep mentioning zh infront of friends, they will feel irritated. Like example, you ask like this outing zh got go anot? Eh where zh? What's zh doing? This might make them think you're going out with them because of zh, although you real intention was not this, only asking for fun. I had all these thoughts too, I know that I can give up but I dont want to. I know I'm just stubborn. I don't want to give up. I let things be like this, continue letting myself get used to the hurt he gives me.
Today during recess, he walked pass me as if I'm invisible.. :(