was reading through me and tw's old messages on my ipod and i kind of miss those times when we were very close! reminds me of many things! those conference calls at night, also that time 12am call zh to sing happy bday for him! we went out to play! study at king albert mac! eat ice cream after studying! steamboat at jiajun's house! playing badminton at jiajun house downstairs! ton at jiajun's house! meeting early in the morning at mac! going out to play! cooking at my house! met an old man who is crazy and said 'nabei, ta ting ge'! trying to stop them from smoking but they just dont listen.. celebrate zh bday tgt! at swimming complex, at his house! sending them off to cambodia. asking each other want go where tml.. those times were so fun and although short, those were the happiest times of my life. and being jiajun's goodfriend was also one of the best times of my life! but those times were over and done with, i should be moving on with my life but the past is always better! with a memorable past and horrible present, how am i going to move forward to the future? i wish i could undo those mistakes and start all over!! sigh but its okay! no one's gonna care about me anymore. sigh..

i was so happy because i bought a motivation book and i realised i need it so much!
"holding on to the past is like walking around with an invisible anchor attached to your leg. wherever you go, there it is.. the past is history. it no longer exist, but you are keeping it alive in your mind through your thoughts. let it go. it is not serving you. holding on to the negative events of the past and wishing things were different or dwelling on what happened is not going to change the past. nothing is going to change the past. however, if you are holding on to your past and keeping it alive in your mind (as if it is still happening), it will dramatically affect your present, and, inevitably, your future."
all these makes so much sense and it kind of woke me up.. yet i still....

i'm still hoping that things will be the same again.. jiajun will call me agn at night and we talk till late nights..
things are so different now, how i wish he is still here by my side. protecting me, caring for me.. haix!