It's like if I don't put in effort, you never will. Yes TW. I'm saying you. Seeing how happy you all are, makes me feel... Idk how say. You can say I'm jealous, whatever. But it's just that, I hate feeling replaced. I'm nothing now. Dust? Even more insignificant than that. Yes, you can never satisfy me. So they are better. Your mum. Your bro. Your boss. I can't be bothered anymore. Go ahead and have fun. Leave me aside. Throw me aside. I know you feel stress because of how I feel. It's okay. You don't have to care anymore.. I know you're tired. I am too. If you're not gonna put in effort, then I won't too.. sigh. I wish I didn't had to cry for this. What for? You don't even care... So god damn tired. I'm not stirring up drama or whatsoever shit. This is just how I feel. Yes i am childish, immature, attention seeking, unreasonable. But who actually spared a thought for my feelings? No one! What's your definition of pap? Your that group of awesome friends. I was really wondering why, why TW treated Tzehui so good. No wonder, cos JJ like her. If you're going to get angry over this, don't bother. Don't read anymore.
I hate feeling unappreciated... Do so much and get almost nth back.. It's always like that. Why am I always the one? Perhaps I'm just born like that! Born to be people's sticky notes!
It's like I wish I didn't have to compare. What I mean to TW? I really dk. When he is sad, I would ask him what happened etc and he would always no lah. And refuse to say. When Tzehui/Yaqi asked, he would say like I text you etc. why? I am not the one he would open up to. Yet I'm constant opening up to him by letting him to read this blog? Pure curious or care? Srsly? I wonder. In the end, how much do I actually mean to him? What am I to him?
I've given up hope on JJ. I know he would never care anymore. I cared too much. Now it's payback time. Lesson of the day: don't trust. I always thought putting in more effort will result in better endings. But I was wrong. Utterly wrong. It doesn't equate.
TW, don't let me lose hope on you too, pls.
1 comment:
Seriously... I don't how to react to this post. I don't treat tzehui good because jiajun like her. It is, and definitely not that. If you ever know what I am feeling, you would know. You are jealous? Jealous of what? Of how me and them can be such good friends? I don't know how to say for this. But i am VERY sure that you did that too. Your previous few posts, stated that yaqi was trying to get close to tzehui because jj like her? Omg... Seriously, she definitely won't do that. Trust me. I won't be wrong about this. If you want to say in this aspect, she would be the one that is angry! We(Jj,yaqi,me) were brothers back so long. And we were having lots of fun. I would say i miss the time. So, when i have the chance of going back, i will definitely do that. Is just like how you wanted jiajun to 'get' back to you. You know it long ago that yaqi jj and me were together as brothers. You shouldn't say yaqi trying to get close tzehui because jj like her. No! It is not that case.
Ya, I am really tired. Tired how i always give in and went with you, to places that i didn't want to. I didn't voice out, because I didn't want you to feel bad/guilty.
Ya, i admit that i am still not open to you. I'm sorry. I know why i can't be open to you. Because there are just people that you trust a lot, that i can't.. You got to believe me, i don't think you will leak out anything, but i am just afraid. really afraid.
I don't know what should i say to you now.
Rachel, I really don't know how to get this friendship back. I wanted friends to stay. Yes, its leaving now...
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