Xueqi wanted me to lock this blog from everyone. She want me to protect myself. What if TW go around showing others etc. I believe he won't. But I nvr know. I'm really, really reluctant to lock this blog from TW. I don't know why. Is it because I still want him to care? But I told myself not to bother him anymore, not to bring him unhappiness anymore. I'm such a troublemaker. TW, if you're reading this. It's not your fault for these. It's me. You've given me more than enough. I expected too much from you. I'm sorry. I risked this friendship by posting the previous post. Before posting, i thought it throughly. Publish/save draft? I published, thn deleted, thn make draft. I still published in the end. Simply because this is my private blog, and i should be posting what i want and what i really feel. I took a risk. And things really happened. I jeopardized our friendship. I didn't know how to salvage this now. I know you're angry now. I know you may hate me in the near future (or even now). Something I can tell you, I simply turned my sadness into anger. (if u know why I'm sad). My mixed feelings will always get me nowhere, or here. I guess I'm okay now. I hope you'll be okay soon. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I guess I'll lock this up soon. I'm really very very reluctant to do so but... I don't wanna stress you any further. From the day you started reading this blog, it was already a mistake. But if you tell me not to lock it from you, I definitely won't lock it. Thank you so much for being such a great friend. I'm really thankful for you.