went to wanyu's house for kbox tday. was okay. i dont know why when me and jj were alone in the room while they went out to eat, ppl tend to like want come in take smth thn dont dare, like dw disturb me and him liddat. i'm afraid, honestly. tht he will suspect or know i like him. thn things will start to change. im really really afraid. in the room, we talked. he said he forgotten about my blog. it was very long ago when he tried to access but failed. 8months ago? he said. wtf it was like last year! looks like he really dont care anymore:( sigh! he kept asking who 忽冷忽热 to me. i kept my answer as 'an old friend'. i am afraid he started to suspect something... like he might think it's him? oh no.. I'm also afraid that he come close to me today cos there's a motive behind.. Like he wanted to know if I like him or not? Idk. I am afraid TW told him smth. But I trust he wont. But I can't confirm.
was on the way walking to mrt station, we talked. i said i wanted to take bus instead, he insisted in accompanying me. i said '我不是跟你讲过很多次了，。。' thn i stopped. he pressed on to know whats the sentence after that. i refused. i really dont wanna say. he then asked me for the first word. '不' i said. he continued the sentence correctly. '不要对你这么好' he knew what i meant, but just uncertain so asked for the first work for confirmation. i actually thought he forgotten about this, never thought he still remember. the reason why i didnt want to say is simply because: one, i am afraid he would suspect i like him. cos i said this to him before when i almost liked him (or alr did). two, i am afraid he will really.. 'dont treat me too good'. there's so many things i wanna tell him but i guess he wont bother anymore and i cant find the right words or time to say it all out. sigh. i just wanna let him know i still like zh. i am not sure if i still do but... i am damn unhappy when i knew he didnt want to follow me back in instagram. not as much as last time le bah. forget it then. i am just afraid tht jj will think i like him so i had to cover it up with zh for the time being... i really, really dont wanna ruin what we have. I dont wanna end up like Eileen tht he'd avoid whenever he sees her and even dislikes her. he told me, he dont like tzehui le, that was just infatuation. i dont know why, i felt so happy when i heard that. i wonder who'd be the next he'll like.
I actually like times like these. When there's only both of us. And I can talk whatever I want to him. He's the only one tht I'll with comfortable with.

i am falling. jiajun, how? what if i really like you?

ha, this is like the question you asked me a year before.

now it's me.


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just saw his twitter and can see he's really unhappy. i whatsapped him to ask. he didnt want to say anything. sighs. it's sad that the person you'd find when youre unhappy, will never be me anymore. isnt it? i miss those times when we talked on the phone all night. i still miss it, a lot a lot, really. i am still waiting for the day you'd call me again and we become how we like before. guess it's near impossible now. i really wanna be thr for him when he's sad, but whenever i tried, he tend to not reciprocate. i feel completely useless.. and it's sad to feel this way. for how can you be there for someone when he doesn't want you to be thr?