I dreamt of zh. The dream was so real and I Almost cried when I woke up realizing it was just a dream. I wanna blog it now just after I woke up because I don't wanna forget the details.i don't wanna forget the dream. 

I think it started off me going to JJ's chalet. After we left the chalet and all we went to a big space under a MRT station to play or smth. Then I was helping them to take photos. Suddenly Zh came over and asked me 'where do you live? Leonard house there right?' He was like very awkward and damn cute hahaha!!! Then I was of coz shocked! Wah zh talked to me! Then I said 'err yup...why?' 'Oh haha coz I wanna send you back home' 'huh?! Me?' 'Ya you' 'huh? I thought you...' 'You open a letter two years ago and you don't like it. Doesn't mean that you won't like it now' 'so now you're telling me that you like...' 'Yes I like you now' then he bent forward to hug me omg LOL ok jiajun you don't laugh I'm just typing what I dreamt. No wait! He was like spread his arms out to hug me then before he did he said 'haha joking' but then I was still damn shocked! And in the he did send me back. Idk why it was me him and jiajun in the train. And when we reaching jurong east interchange. I was like telling him you can take the green line back. He said 'nvm lah I can take 157' 'don't be crazy haha' then after that he went to a convenience store to get drinks for me and that's the part I gained consciousness! I was so disappointed and sad i almost cried! Like wth can I just sleep forever. I really really hope something like this can happen someday. Haha but...zh won't one bah. That part that I can still remember so clearly and I think I felt damn damn happy was the part when he said 'yes I like you' and he spread him hands out to hug me. That moment! Although after that he said joking haha I think in the dream right he really liked me but he was joking fooling around with the joking! And yeah it was so real and my feelings felt so so real. At that moment I was like 'finally, it paid off. Years of hard work and effort' 

Hais I am really sad that it was just a dream. If I can dream bout it again i just wanna sleep forever! Hais jiajun ahhhhh I damn sad sia :(

Anyway! Just rmb I wanted to blog smth. Went out to supposedly study with jiajun last night! Then after we ate we kept talking. Ahhaha we talked about many past things and people. Somehow he's just different. Good and bad. I really can't explain what's the part that he's different that I don't like but I can only say it's how he makes me feel. How I feel about him in the past. When I was sad I would just tell him anythig. He would listen. He would advice me to give up. Jiajun don't feel bad for asking me to give up i know you cared. Or is it because that time you like me? HAHHAHA 

I would tell him anything. I would be like very dependent on him. He would read my blog. He would always know how I feel. 

Now. Last year and the first half of this year, all the things I've mentioned above disappeared. I was sad. Sometimes I looked back and hoped that he would give me that attention , instead of giving it to tzehui. Sometimes I look at xueqi, hey, I used to be as close to JJ like you're with him now. Yeah but now I am talking about now! Ok now it's like the things that've disappeared are gradually coming back. Difference would be now i feel quite restricted in telling him things. Like my feelings. I would be like 'he shouldn't be bothered by me. Who am I. I'm not one of his closest friend. I shouldn't tell him things about me and expect him to care' yeah that's why! And when we talk, the way you made me feel is just different now! Idk how to expain the difference but it's just different! But the thing that didnt change was that I still like spending time with you! Haha please don't think I like you LOL its just like last time! Whenever I have a chance to spend time with you I would! Like go your house slack etc. now differnet la! Cannot say want go can go. Not that close already. Maybe this is the difference! And also I really like talking about the past with JJ. Idk why. Maybe cause the happiest time in my life he played major role. Thanks for those times! Altho TW is gone and never will be back. Really hope they can get bak together but now when I see how JJ is so reluctant to it, I understood :)

I'm still damn traumatized by the fact that it's a dream. JIAJUN HELP ME. ZH HELP ME T____T