sometimes i just feel so helpless. spent lots of time thinking about this. idk why. previous post on the "spend time with people with give you happiness", i simply just can't find that company of people! i guess the happiest time i had was those actt times! but fuck i know it's never gonna come back! i never had any power in changing anything. i tried but it's always to no avail. sometimes i feel really shocked on how things has changed... who knew three brothers, stick with each other 24/7, could be separated? who knew the reason was because of one person! why the fuck am i still thinking about the past? i feel like a loser man! everyone has moved on and i'm still here. i'm just so hopeless! and i found the bands we wore 2 years back! the black and white one! i still remember four of us wore in like everyday! haha and when things happened i stopped wearing and keep it in a safe place! i rmb that was a period of time in sec4 i wore it back coz i missed those actt times! but in the end no one really bothers! then i took it out haha and kept it in a safe place. i took it out today again coz this afternoon jj was talking to me about it! he lost the white one! haha i was actually sad when i heard that! eh then when i took it out i realize it has became black and yellow! JJ said it's okay, the memories are yellow too............walao sad sia but true la! perhaps it's true for me. happiness will always have an expiry date for me!

Os are nearing. i am fucking scared. i swear. i am fucking worried for EL. what if i fail? fuck then i'll just end up in an ite! this is never gonna happen! i can't fail EL man! fuck this! i'm damn scared!



 this song is so smoothing! i must move on! remind myself! remind myself!