now everything's back to square one; i feel empty. when we still talked, i always i told sf i feel very empty and he said he will fill me with happiness. i felt so happy when i heard that haha but now i know everything's a lie la. i should just leave him alone coz he spent lots of time on me, which he really dont have to if he doesn't want it. 我现在把他给我的幸福还给他. i shouldnt be selfish anymore, demanding him to make time for me because he finally told me he didn't like me from the start, he just wanted to break my protective shell. haha yup he did it, but now i built it up again. because of him i cant believe in love anymore. i knew it, who'd like someone like me? hais. i actually believed him when he say he liked me! k la first few times i didnt believe, but when he repeatedly said it i believed him. haha indeed, you repeat a lie for many times eventually people will believe. the moment he said 'no' when i asked if he really liked me, i made up my mind to NEVER bother him again. because i don't have the authority to do so anymore.
it's ok. i will find distractions. he once sent me a pic;

so i started playing dota. haha


zh replied me "Happy Chinese New Year!" yup i am happy. but not as i would be if he replied a year back. i am still trying to make myself feel damn happy bout it. i want to like him again so i can forget the pain i am suffering now. yup i am getting there! i am starting to think bout sf lesser and immerse myself in zh. i went to his fb profile and see photos, to make myself fall again. woah...until now i can still say the zh i liked the most was when he was sec2/starting of sec3. damn handsome wtf. srsly such a good looking person will never like me la. i am just not good enough. someday he will find someone he likes, and the person will not be me. sigh whenever i think of this my heart will still shatter...whether i've given up on him or not. he is afterall someone i loved like mad